Shorter Sam Schulman: “Gay Marriage is bad because women need to be controlled like pets, and — oh, fuck, who am I kidding, I’m tempted by man ass and need the State to discourage me”.
That article is an absolute masterpiece of wingnuttery. Ostensibly trying to make a case against gay marriage that doesn’t rest on religion or bigotry, he ends up barfing up a huge rant about the righteousness of suffering in a relationship, assumptions that all gays do is have wild sex without a care in the world otherwise, and this, a line so ridiculous and exposing of his personal issues you have to just see it to believe it:
Few men would ever bother to enter into a romantic heterosexual marriage–much less three, as I have done–were it not for the iron grip of necessity that falls upon us when we are unwise enough to fall in love with a woman other than our mom. (emphasis mine)
Do read the whole column, it’s hilarious. There’s Freudian slips, and then there’s Freudian fits of impromptu boogaloo over an endless path of banana peels & dog shit.